As of right now, I no longer have any relationship with any hedge fund or other corporation besides the Clear Fund. That means I no longer have to fear that total idiots will associate the Clear Fund with any other entity. And that means … I can cast off my anonymity, lifting the veil of shadows that has cloaked me since December. While I’m at it, I’ll blow Elie’s and MichiganBob’s cover too. So read on if you dare, and see how deep the rabbit hole goes.

(Warning: this will not actually be the least bit interesting. Turns out, we’re just dudes.)

Secretive, cowardly pseudonym: Holden
Real name: Holden Karnofsky
Grew up in: Chicago ‘burbs
Education: bachelor’s, Harvard
Recent employment: 3 years at a hedge fund
Now lives in: NYC
If he could be any animal, he would be: a guy
Sexy: Yes
Single: Yes

Secretive, cowardly pseudonym: Elie
Real name: Elie Hassenfeld
Grew up in: Boston ‘burbs
Education: bachelor’s, Columbia
Recent employment: 3 years at a hedge fund (still employed)
Now lives in: NYC
If he could be any animal, he would be: a hammerhead shark
Sexy: No
Single: No

Secretive, cowardly pseudonym: MichiganBob
Real name: Bob Elliott
Grew up in: Detroit ‘burbs
Education: bachelor’s, Harvard
Recent employment: 2 years at a hedge fund (still employed)
Now lives in: CT
If he could be any animal, he would be: an altruistic mosquito, refusing to transmit malaria
Sexy: Yes
Single: No

The three of us are men – but some of our best friends are women, we swear.

So there you go, we’re real people now. To all you anonymity haters, I hope you’ve learned what you wanted to know, and that you now have a much better ability to engage critically with what we write. To those of you who are capable of analyzing the content of sentences on your own, this post may have been a waste of your time, but at least I warned you.

(Note: this blog post was made without input from Elie or MichiganBob.)